


Medieval Bartender

by Khartoum_5



Category: Medieval Cop – VasantJ
Genre: Drunk mystery solving, Humor, Post office bashing, pie eating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23257651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khartoum_5/pseuds/Khartoum_5
Summary: Geannt Gudkid is a rookie bartender in medieval Rightia. He applied to work in the safest bar in the land – which is located right next to the police headquarters – so that he could avoid the crazies and the creeps.Unfortunately for him, no one except the crazies are insane enough to keep a job in the Rightia police force. To make things worse, a certain post office hating grumpy cop is a regular at this bar, and is making all his other regulars semi-suicidal.No one said bartending would be this stressful.AKA what Dregg does in between the Medieval Cop games as told by an innocent traumatised outsider
Relationships: Amber Heart/Pie, Dregg Morriss/Destroying the post office
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. Death of a Lawyer

**Author's Note:**

> Why isn't there any Medieval Cop fics here?
> 
> ;-;

The wooden doors of the bar flew open, revealing a hunched figure. Geannt looked up from wiping glasses to welcome their latest customer, and promptly dropped his glass at the sight in front of him.

The man looked knock-out drunk before he even stepped into the bar and it was _noon_ . His bright orange cloak–indicating his status as a policeman–was tattered and marked with what looked like suspiciously recent bloodstains. Geannt let his eyes travel up from a shirt that should have been scrap cloth years ago to a face that–

_Oh my god_

There were no words to describe the sheer hideousness that was the man's face. It wasn't that his features were ugly per se — in fact he might even be considered moderately attractive to someone with little to no standards.

No

It was the loathing on his face that seemed to be directed at everyone in the bar, his bloodshot eyes that looked dead inside, the snarl that gave his twisted features a demonic look.

What was worse was that no one except Geannt seemed to take notice of the demonic cop that had just stumbled in.

Was this something he would eventually get used to as a bartender? Geannt eyed his boss, who was idly flipping through a comic book.

_As though it's a normal occurance for drunk policemen to skive off work._

The policeman steadied himself on an unfortunate young man next to him before yelling for the boss.

Geannt turned to the his boss, only to gape– the old man was smiling at the cop like he was an old friend.

"Dregg! You want your usual, I suppose?"

The man (Dregg?) nodded unseeingly and accepted the unopened bottle of Misery — (was the whole thing for him?!)— from the old man. With the air of an experienced but drunk sommelier, he expertly got the cover off and started chugging the contents of the bottle without flinching.

Geannt stared.

"Sir, with all due respect, you might actually die of alcohol poisoning if you finish that bottle."

Geannt shuddered as Dregg's bloodshot eyes finally connected his face to the voice he was hearing.

"Isn't that the point? To give myself a slow, painful death?" Geannt stared at him, open-mouthed. Apparently this was a crazy, drunk and _suicidal_ cop.

"Sir, please don't think like that! You have so much to live for! I mean, I have this friend who is going to become a cop soon and she's had the most awful life yet she manages to be happy all the time, so–"

Dregg slammed his fist on a table and Geannt jumped.

"Any world where the post office exists is a world that I do not want to exist in."

Before Geannt could process the odd statement, the bar doors swung open yet again with a bang that made all the barflies(sans Dregg) jump. A deranged looking woman with ginger hair stomped in, looking around furiously. Her eyes zeroed in on Dregg, who was still chugging down the Misery like there was no tomorrow.

"DREGG MORRIS!" she screamed.

Dregg didn't bat an eye and continued chugging his bottle of Misery.

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU WRITTEN THE REPORT FOR EREN VIL'S MURDER?!"

Dregg blinked and glanced up blearily. With a surprisingly levelheaded tone he spoke.

"Didn't you agree to write the report if I ended up solving the case?"

Geannt could almost see the smoke coming out of the woman's ears.

"NO, I JUST SAID I WOULD BUY YOU DINNER — WAIT THAT CAME OUT WRONG."

At that moment Dregg had just finished his bottle and was cradling it between his arms. He slowly lay back on the floor and fell fast asleep.

The boss casually took out a quilt ( _so that's why we keep quilts behind the bar_ ) and draped it over Dregg's unconscious form.

Geannt supposed he really did have a lot to learn as a rookie bartender in Rightia's police district.


	2. The True Monster (is Dregg?) ft.Pre depression Amber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dregg is sick. Geannt wonders if bartending is a viable job for him. Amber is not depressed (yet).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy  
> I know, I'm late. I am a chronic procrastinator and I wrote this chapter while procrastinating an essay. But it's easier to blame the post office so DOWN WITH THE POST OFFICE  
>  _Leaves room to a chorus of boos_

It was a sleepy day for the bar Geannt Gudkid was temporarily in charge of. The boss, seeing that a grand total of 1 customer had shown up since they had opened up shop, decided to take a snooze in the back. Leaving Geannt in charge. Geannt puffed out his chest proudly and stood up a little straighter, even though there was no one else in the bar.

 _The boss trusts me to take care of the bar!_ he thought to himself gleefully.

It was worth dealing with all the insane cops (see: Dregg Morris) that frequented the place to see his boss finally seeing him as more than just another wet-behind-the-ears rookie. After only two months being an intern, he was going to be a real bartender! It had never been done before. Geannt sniffed and wiped the happy tears that were threatening to fall out of his watery eyes. He shook himself.

_I shouldn't slack off! Maybe boss is testing me to see how I look after the bar when he's gone._

Geannt began furiously scrubbing every exposed surface in the bar, the thought of being the bosses heir pushing him into an excited frenzy.

 _The bar will look even better than how you left it, boss,_ Geannt vowed silently.

* * *

It had started raining, and there were still no customers to attend to. Geannt didn't mind. He was too busy enthusiastically alphabetising the rare wines behind the bar.

He didn't notice the sudden flickering of lightning and the crack of thunder sounding outside. He certainly didn't notice the doors flying open or the sound of unsteady footsteps. And of course, he didn't realise his least favourite customer was standing right behind him until it was too late. He was humming to himself when a hollow voice sounded.

"You look carefree."

"GYAH! Oh, it's you. What'll it be today, Officer Dregg?"

Geannt was nothing if not a professional. Weeks of dealing with the less-depressed-but-more insane-than-Dregg cops had desensitized him to being creeped up on.

To Geannt's surprise, Dregg didn't immediately rattle out his order. On a good day he would immediately request for any liquor strong enough to carry the weight of the post office's sins. On ~~bad~~ regular days he'd stumble in drunk and get something that would kill a regular person and walk out cursing the post office. Geannt tilted his head.

"Uh...Officer Dregg? Are you okay?"

Officer Dregg did not look ok. He had always looked a little sickly and extremely unhealthy, but today he somehow seemed… _pale_. His eyes seemed more sunken and there were dark smudges underneath them. Even his cheekbones were jutting more than usual. Curiously, Geannt leaned closer. Only to draw back in shock.

Dregg had locked his dead, soulless eyes with Geannt's. His lips were turning blue and he was shivering.

"Oh my god you need a doctor-or an autopsy, wait here-" Geannt was about to rush to the boss when Officer Dregg _smiled_. Geannt shuddered and tried not to scream at the horror show before him.

### "This is all the post office's fault. Avenge me, barkeep."

Dregg's smile grew softer (at this point, Geannt's goosebumps had goosebumps). He saluted Geannt before falling face first onto the floor. This was too much. Geannt dropped the bottle he was holding and screamed.

* * *

"I'm really sorry about all this Mr.Gudkid. Dregg was having a fever dream about the post office again so we locked him in his room, but you know how it is…" the beautiful woman before him smiled apologetically.

"Uh..I'm sorry Mrs.Yale, but I don't know how it is…" Geannt laughed nervously. The boss had ordered him to bring Dregg over to his older sister's place. He still couldn't believe that this…normal person was related to the entity that was Dregg. She sounded so…kind.

"My little brother staged a prison escape from the second floor bedroom. Honestly…" Mrs.Yale shook her head fondly and glanced up the staircase to the room where Dregg was presumably unconscious.

Geannt cleared his throat awkwardly and stood up.

"I should get back to my shift. Thank you for the cookies, Mrs.Yale. They were delicious." Mrs. Yale's eyes were twinkling.

"I should be the one thanking you for taking care of my troublesome brother, shouldn't I?" She stood and led him to the door.

"It's my job, Mrs.Yale."

* * *

The moment his shift was over, Geannt made a beeline for Medievel Park. The scenery there somehow always managed to calm him. He collapsed on a bench, idly watching the screaming children running around the park.

_Maybe…I'm not that suited to becoming a bartender after all._

"You look glum, Geannt. Why don't you turn that frown upside down?"

Geannt looked up, meeting the sparkling blue eyes of his next door neighbour. The last time he'd seen her she was frantically cranking for the Rightia police academy exams. Now she looked as cheerful as ever, orange hair gleaming in the sunlight and tilting her head questioningly.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's bothering you Geannt? You seem more stressed than usual lately. Are you eating properly? Do you need grandma to bake some bento pies for you? Do you-"

"Stop it!" snapped Geannt irritably.

Amber looked away apologetically, resembling a kicked puppy so much that Geannt immediately felt guilty. Tears began to leak down Amber's cheeks as she bravely persevered with her interrogation.

"It's your bartending job isn't it? Are you having trouble learning how to make drinks? Grandma taught me how to make hot cocoa yesterday y'know, and–"

Grant snorted, amused despite himself.

"You know they don't sell hot cocoa at bars, right?"

"Really?"

"Yup. No pies either."

Amber had a scandalised expression on her face and she looked like she was going to start crying again.

 _"No way!_ Grandma said that I can only drink hot cocoa at bars _"_

Geannt laughed. He knew Amber well enough to know when she was joking. She played up being a sheltered kid even though she grew up on the streets. She was still kind of a crybaby but she was going to be a great cop.

"You're kind of a crybaby, but you'll be a great cop." he told her.

Amber flushed, tears falling even harder now that she was both touched and happy.

"I _snif_ havent even gotten back my results from the police academy test you know."

"That's Ambernese for 'i definitely aced it"

"Shush >:("

"Whoa...How did you even say that?"

"gehehe...It's been a while since we just talked like this, hasn't it? We've both been so busy chasing our dreams I guess we drifted apart."

"Amber, we're not drifting apart anytime soon. You're my next door neighbor."

"You knew what I meant. Speaking of dreams, are you actually bad at being a bartender?"

"You know I have a master's degree in drink mixing right?"

"ehehehe I forgot!"

Geannt nodded resolutely. Amber eyed him curiously.

"What's the matter Geannt?"

Geannt gazed up to the sky and sighed.

"Y'know how I picked the bar closest to the police HQ for my internship so I wouldn't have to deal with too many ruffians?"

"Uh huh!"

"Turns out the police officers are bigger ruffians than the ruffians themselves. And I realised that...no matter how good I am at making drinks...what's the point of being a bartender if I can't deal with people?"

"Is that all?"

"Yeah."

"You have nothing to worry about, Geannt. People skills is something you gather with experience. The longer you work as a bartender, the easier it'll get! This is your dream job so you're destined to succeed!"

"You really think so?"

"I _know_ so."

* * *

Geannt was in a good mood when Dregg Morris dragged himself into the bar, looking a lot more healthy and dead inside than he was when he had the flu.

"What'll it be then?"

"Bleach. I need bleach."

_No time like the present to hone my bartending skills_

"So..uh what's the story behind this request, officer?"

_ugh. I blew it._

Dregg glared blearily at him.

"You want to know what happened?"

"You don't have to tell me if you dont–"

"I got a dragon acquitted from murder charges." Dregg said bluntly.

Geannt blinked. For a moment he wondered if Dregg was cracking a joke, but even he knew a grump like that would never crack a joke.

"Acquitting the dragon wasn't the best part. Ask me what was the best part, barkeep." Dregg was looking particularly murderous today.

"W-what was the best part?"

"The king gave me the dragon as a a pet."

Before Geannt could retort back, an inhuman roar shook the building."

Officer Dregg seemed unfazed.

"Apparently, his name is Mister Snuggles. Now, about that bleach?"

A rare wine bottle slipped out of Geannt's hands and crashed on the floor for the second time that week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments and kudos for the first chapt guyz it stroked my fragile self esteem and inspired me to stop procrastinating.  
> Also, I have a vague idea for how this fic will be like, but if you have any crackpot suggestions to 'fill in the gaps' between the games I'll write it into this fic 8D


End file.
